Special Trip to Idaho

On Sunday, the evening Luke and I got back from our weekend in Newport Beach, we put the kids to bed and I was literally nestling into my pillow to fall asleep when I got a text from my dad. The message was my Grandma Baer wasn't doing well and was just released from the hospital that day. The relaxed feeling I had from the weekend and the smile on my face, was gone. Tears were instantly filling my eyes. It wasn't a note saying she was gone, but implying that she might not make it much longer because her heart was failing. My dad and his youngest brother were driving up the following morning to be with her.
I dreamt of her that night. I worried about her (and my dad) the following day as I returned to work....and the next day...and the next. It was consuming my thoughts. I had planned on seeing her in June on our family road trip. But we might be too late. 
On Thursday evening they had an early birthday party for her. She was surrounded with four of her five kids, three of her grand kids, her sister, nephew and a few others. I asked my dad to Face time me so we could all see grandma and visit. It was so good to see her. She couldn't hear us too well, but my dad sat behind her and told her everything she couldn't hear. She was able to talk with the kids and Wiggy played her some songs on her piano. It was really nice. When we got off the phone my grandma told me she loved me and said, "I am so glad we belong to each other." I told her we did belong to each other and that I loved her.

 Grandma and her favorite pie....lemon meringue.

The weekend came and I was talking to Luke about her again. He spent some special time with his granddad, who he greatly admired, in the weeks leading up to his death. Luke was in college and enjoyed spending time with him. Before he passed from cancer, Luke helped him for a few weeks in his home, helping to care for him. Luke said he was thankful for that time with him and encouraged me to go see my grandma, if that's what I wanted to do. He didn't think I should wait for her funeral services to go up there. I thought about flying up, but thought it would be a great idea to take Wiggy with me. Too expensive to fly for both of us and we are road warriors, so we decided to drive up....786 miles. 

Sunday morning we went to church.The boys stayed and we left after Sacrament. We loaded up bags and headed to Roseville before noon. We spent the night with my mom and had a nice visit with her. We also had dinner at Cheesecake Factory with my fave SIL and her kids.

 Wiggy and her cousin Holden

 Playing with Rufus in the backyard.

Monday morning Wiggy and I were up at 5am and on the road by 6am. We brought Rufus with us! Wiggy was very happy and is a great traveling companion. Having Rufus along made the trip more enjoyable than possible.

 We made a stop in Reno for breakfast and Winnemucca, Nevada for fuel and stretching. We didn't stop again until we reach grandma's house in Middleton. They are an hour ahead, so it took us around 8.5 hours to get there.

When we arrived my grandma was sleeping, but woke up a short time later. We sat with her on the edge of her bed. I rubbed her back and talked with her for about 20 minutes. It was so nice to see her. It was a calming feeling. She eventually made her way out to the living room. She was in her pajamas and she sat in her recliner. Wiggy was excited to play her piano again, so she got out her books and played a few things for her.

 In the morning dad reads a devotional book to my grandma. Each page is a different day of the year, so they caught up on a few pages. My dad would read the thought and they would discuss what it meant to them. He would get her medication ready for her and get her breathing treatment ready. She drank lemon juice and water each morning, so he would get the lemon squeezed and ready. Grandma was spoiled...and she told us so all week long. Each night before bed she would hug my dad and tell him thank you for everything.

 We made some chicken enchiladas on Tuesday night, with the leftover chicken from the night before. Grandpa is mashing up avocados to make some guac. Grandma ate some dinner with us, but how could she resist grandpa's enchiladas?! :)

 Wiggy and I went to the store one afternoon and bought some cards. We got grandpa and Great grandma to play Crazy 8's, Old Maid and Go Fish. Wiggy and Grandpa played War and they were pretty entertaining.

Rufus got to meet Aunt Pam's dog Rufus. It wasn't an ideal meeting, but poor Pockets survived Rufus' attack at the front door. Dad and I were laughing about it all week. Poor Pockets trotted into the house nonchalantly and didn't know what hit him when Rufus came right at him. I hot my knee on the coffee table as I threw myself down to try and get Rufus away from Pockets.

 Grandma was usually in bed for the night around 7:30, so we would stay up playing cards and talking. My dad kept a journal at the table where he would write things down each night before bed.

Wiggy washed dishes two nights in a row. She would hum and sing as she washed.

 The night before we left we brought Grandma some yellow flowers. She had a few dozen red roses from others, so we thought the yellow would look nice.

 My grandma hadn't left the house since before the hospital. She was getting her feet rubbed my my uncle or dad in the evenings, so I thought she may like a pedicure. We asked the Hospice Nurse if she could go and he encouraged it. So Friday morning I took her to get a pedicure. The salon only had one appointment available, but they let me take the polish home so I could use it on her fingers. I had my nail file, so I soaked and filed her nails for a nice manicure. She really liked it and it's a memory I will cherish. She had a hard time getting around, but she took her cane with her and she was a trooper.
Friday night Wiggy and Rufus played and snuggled. She told Rufus we were leaving in the morning. :)

 Friday evening my dad told my grandma we were leaving in the morning. As she headed to bed she gave me a hug. I gave her a long hug and began to cry. I know my grandma isn't feeling well and at times during the week, she said she was ready to go home. I just didn't want this to be the last time I saw her. It was a strange goodbye for me. 
I didn't want to let go of her. 
I didn't want to leave in the morning. 
I wanted to hug her longer and make her old age, weak heart...and everything else just go away. I wanted to fix everything. 
Before I came up I just wanted to hang on to June, so we could all see her again. But now I saw how she was really feeling and I thought she would have a miserable time holding on. She is tired and coughs all the time. She is nauseated and doesn't want to eat. She tried to make light of it and I did the same. She has the same sense of humor, the same expressions. Everything I have loved about her being my grandma. It's just so hard knowing she is having a hard time with her health and I may not see her again...here on this Earth.

Grandma was in bed at her usual time, but we stayed up later than expected that night because my dad's brother Glenn flew into Boise. He came by the house with my Aunt Pam and Uncle Chuck around 10pm. Glenn gave me a Chargers Potato Head he had bought. We looked through pictures of Aimee's mission photos in Uruguay.  We finally ended up heading to bed around 11.

Saturday morning I was up at 5:45am and showered. It was raining, so I started up the car as I woke up Wiggy and loaded up bags. We knelt down beside the couch and my dad said the family prayer. 
I love my dad. 
I love his example. 
There were a lot of tears as he prayed. I wished we didn't need to leave. Wished we could stay and spend more time with Grandpa and Great grandma Baer. It was so hard to leave.
The road out of Idaho, through Oregon and into Nevada is desolate, ugly and empty. Not a lot of traffic and no cell reception. Long, straight roads. 
My check engine light came on a few miles after we left the house that morning. It was still dark outside and I began to mildly panic. I stopped at a gas station outside Caldwell and woke up Luke to ask him what to do. We said another prayer and went for it. I thought maybe the engine light was a sign that we needed to stay.

 Wiggy slept the first hour of the trip.

 Wiggy put together our potato head from Uncle Glenn

 We stopped in Sparks, Nevada to buy her some new headphones.

It began snowing as we headed west of Truckee. By the time we got to Donner summit it was snowing so we stopped at the Rest Stop, which was at the top of the summit. We got out to use the bathroom and the large rest stop was totally empty. We played in the snow a few minutes before realizing we needed to put on warmer clothes. Wiggy put on her rain boots, jacket and ran to gather snowballs. This definitely was a bright spot in the day. It was nice to have something to laugh about about having such a hard morning.

It began to rain heavily the remainder of the trip into Roseville. I was ready to just drive all the way home, because I was done being on the road...and frankly I missed my family. I wanted to be home with Luke, to talk to him and have him tell me everything is going to be OK. We made it to Roseville around 3pm and I met up with my mom. We had an early dinner together at Cheesecake Factory and then headed back to the house for the night. 
Wiggy got out her cards and played a few rounds with Grandma and I. I was so tired from the early morning launch that we were in bed by 8:30. We were up early Sunday and took off for home! 

Luke sent me a video of the boys on their way to church. All dressed up and ready to go. Bubba had his load of Wonder bread for the Sacrament. It was Fast Sunday and Luke said Tubbs bore his testimony--for the first time ever. I missed it. 
Anyways...what a day. 
What a week. 
We were finally home. My head was still in Idaho.
Great Grandma Baer apologized that she missed Bubba's birthday. She normally sends a card and a check. She never forgets and rarely late. I laughed at her when she apologized to me earlier int he week. Before we said goodbye on Friday night she have me a birthday card for Bubba. I laughed at her and gave her a hug. 

 Grandma Baer - I love you. I hope that  you don't have to suffer much longer, but like you said, maybe Heavenly Father isn't done with you yet. It's not time to return home yet. There were so many people who called and came by the house to see her while I was there. She is so loved. People admire her and love spending time with her. It was such a wonderful example to me, of service. They weren't there because they had to be there. They were there to sit with her, talk with her....whatever. We had brownies and cookies coming out our ears! Meals were brought in a few times. It was just so much more than I could've imagined (and hoped for) for my grandma. So many neighbors and friends from church, checking in on her. It was a great blessing for me to witness.